3 Small Steps To a Better Relationship
I shared this with some close friends recently, who are married and they are doing so much better.
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel used up, sick and tired of being sick and tired.... of his mess. You just want to talk to him and as soon as you open your mouth to say " We need to talk". He goes " aww hell , here we go again" then gets up and proceeds to walk away. Hold up! Holdup! I know he didn't just walk out the room on me!...nah that aint happening over here. So you jump up following him out the room, then conflict ensues. And it can get pretty ugly after that.
So whats the problem with this picture?
No communication
Ineffective communication
No understanding
Fellas If you haven't figured it out by now, then you probably never will so I'mma just go ahead and tell you. You can end just about every argument with your girl by letting her know you understand why she feels the way she does....EVEN if you don't understand, can't comprehend why she even thinks the way she does! Oh and We love a good "I'm sorry" So hear her out. Let her say all she needs to say. Then say " Baby I'm sorry you feel that way about the situation" and you can even through in a " I understand why/how you would feel that way".
Just remember you're not apologizing cause you did anything wrong , your just apologizing cause you don't want her to feel negatively about whatever the situation is. ( Psychiatry at it's best!) ;)
Thank You! - This 2 word phrase is almost extinct in some relationships!
Too many people think that just because they are in a relationship, they are owed the little blessings that sometimes come along with it. Like a man that will change the oil in your car, Pay your light bill, Watch the kids while you and your girls go out, and every once in awhile cook you dinner. Some people especially the married ones, Think thats what they are owed. But you're not!
Ok, Ok, some of you may get mad, but I say you're not because there is no gratitude. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making sure that person knows your grateful for the things that they do that help make your life a little less stressful! How do you do this? It starts with a simple thank you! And not the thank you, as if the man on the corner just washed your windows type thank you. Say it with some emotion behind it. Throw in a little strip tease with it. Something to back it up!
Those three little Words!
Last but definitely not the least. In the middle of the night in the pitch black darkness when your both laying there, Think about all the good that person has done for you and tell them you love them. Awww....yeah I'm a sucker for a good love moment! Let me know what you think!
Where is Collin Powell when I need him
ReplyDeleteMiss D. Therapy, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I think a lot of the problem is that there's TOO much talking. What is there to talk about when I'm obviously right? And if I tell her that I understand she will only say "NO you don't, you bastard! You'll never understand!" All while screaming, running in place, and possibly throwing things. I do agree on that strip tease though. As long as it's not interfering with Monday Night Football, a good game of Modern Warfare 2 (Black Ops when it comes out in November Treyarch, pay me), or me eating. UNLESS, you're doing something 'special'. Like bringing in another female. Ahhh...gets me everytime.
ReplyDeleteI feel like communication is very important...as long as it doesnt become a CHORE. There has to be a understanding that we aint gonna talk about the same shit for 3 hrs. If there's understanding to cut to the chase & move on, thats the money rite there. 101
ReplyDeletealright, im here im gonna address the simple first. The thank you portion of this is dead on. It goes beyond thank you it actually shows that you care and your not taking your significant other for granted...so i totally agree!
ReplyDeleteNow let the royal rumble begin. Im not about to be submissive to an angry female a 100% of the time. Thats not gonna work for one because i have the penis in the relationship and two no female wants a man they can walk over. There is nothing wrong with a little friction; and yes simply going along with what she is saying will get the situation out of your face quicker but what is it solving really, i say i understand and sorry. but i do what ever she says i did again and now shes even more upset. This cycle leads to me being more aggressive(verbally) than usual because at this time the frustration of me not actually fixing the problem will be overwhelming. I am the type that i want to fix the issue. If we need to bump heads until the solution is found thats good. i know that she wont back down from me and if she dont back down to me she not backin down to any other person in her life period. A argument is healthy as long as u fix the problem, and not act like it doesn't exist....i welcome any opposing views
I agree with what your saying, lets get down to the issue, and get it out of the way...But some of yall don't think that way. All you'll here is " wah, wah, wah, and wah!" In one ear and out the other.
ReplyDeleteThe point is even if you talk it out and you agree to disagree on the subject , you both at least understand where she's/ he is coming from. That's all we as women really want( now you must realize I don't speak for all women, some of them are unreasonable). You aren't bowing down or making yourself less of a man to say I'm sorry you feel a certain way. Its you acknowleging the fact that whatever the issue is making her feel that way and that you care about. And if you don't care .... tell her. Honesty is the best policy, and the Truth , well some people just can't handle it.
@ 101 its sad, but thats how some folks look at it. some people are in fear of conflict. then like Mr. PR said, it builds up and all kinds of explosive behavior occurs....not a good look.
@ Cel You Crazy! but depending on the situation? You might not be able to comprehend... Thats when you tell her, baby I'mma pray for you. another female? Smh..
Lol! I was kidding...for the most part. I just can't stand to be nagged to death. Nothing annoys me more. I can't appease someone just to make them feel better. It's a no win. It's like 101 said, why keep talking about the same stuff. If she really wanted to stop the arguing she would get naked right then and there and do nasty things to me. THAT, my dear friends, is conflict resolution.
ReplyDeleteconflict resolution ftw!
ReplyDeletei see ya stance and as i stay firm in what i mentioned earlier i must say that i dont think its an demoralizing to apologize, but rather idiotic to apologize for something im not apologetic of or in a case im just getting her out my face-not aware of. This is a toxic trait. now i do agree with alot that is mentioned in this submission by miss d therapy, this one i would simply have to "agree to disagree"
Great communication in a relationship = Saying the right things, not contradicting yourself and living with the consequences.
ReplyDeleteDr. Wallbanger~I like that. Very true.
ReplyDelete@ Dr. Wallbanger....Yerp!
ReplyDeleteWell, if you feel like he's not listening
ReplyDelete--Move on--
If you feel like she's not listening
--Move on--
Communication is the most important thing in life damn near and life is too short to argue on a carousel. I'm all for communication, but people lose sight of what communication is built for, to SOLVE the problems at hand. After the discussion, you must adhere to the terms of what both of you agreed upon and when you're about to do the same thing that caused the friction, think about that convo, and don't do it simple. If you can't do that, then you need to be byyadamnself.
Invoice #0000012
Amount due $116.44
Dr.--Mr.PR
STAMP!
ReplyDelete