"Why You're Single" A Guest Post by Preach

Preach, a writer and comedian wrote this very funny article. I am reposting it here with his permission.

Why You're Single

Ok ladies and gentlemen, let’s put it all out there. Your single..namely for reasons and situations that are a byproduct of your environment and experiences. I for instance am a part time chauvinist. I mean I love and respect women but I'll be damn if imma have to explain my maleness in every situation to some knock off feminist. Chances are I really do NOT care what you’re thinking. Not because I don’t care about you but because I have a certain amount of space in my head for bs conversations. And every bs conversation we have eats away at it. So when I ignore you I am honestly de-fragmenting my mind from tales of coffee shop lattes and shoe shopping with your home girls. Now back to the lecture at hand your single because of YOU. Yes..I know you were cheated on, she played you for a fool, he lied all the time..blah blah freaking blah. Let’s all not act like we are 5 years old again. Chances are in your __ years of dating you have acquired some bad habits that causes the opposite sex to just say f it and roll. For your benefit I will list some of these so we can hopefully rectify the problem.

1. TOO DAMN SMART: Not saying you have to have the mental capabilities of Forest Gump but DAMMMMM..do you have to include 5 and 6 syllable words in all your conversations. Guess what those degrees you “value” so much …their just pieces of paper. Nobody really cares anything about you and your life outside of your little circle. So take the chip off your shoulder and relax…

2. TOO DAMN SENSITIVE: Fellas I’m talking to you. Especially you puca shell wearing, sandals and toe ring having ,all your missing is a belly chain ,fake Eric Benet wanna be brothers… MAN UP sometime… women were made to be emotional for a reason..stop crying… do us and them a favor and find your balls. Now ladies you have some work here too. We expect you to cry..what we don’t expect is a woman who pouts like a toddler. Really..your not going to talk to me because I don’t agree with what you saying.. really..like really.. I have to agree with you ALL the time..really???

3. KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH: A relationship is never 50/50 all the time. Sometimes its 60/40..every once in a while it may be 70/30. Two dominant forces do NOT mix well together. There’s a time to be submissive. Not saying you’re a slave but shut up and go with the program every once in awhile. The more open your mouth is the more likely you are to not hear what the other is saying. MEN ..being right and arguing till your blue in the face is not gonna gain you any points. A relationship disagreement is not a battle royale or a king of the mountain match. The last man standing does not always win. LADIES: The flip side of his is using anti logic against logic. Your naturally better at remembering past indiscretions than we are. Relating something from June 17 ,2009 and something from yesterday is not fair.

4. DON’T SLICK A CAN OF OIL: Your not as slick as you think. What’s done in the dark comes to the light. For every action there is a equal and opposite reaction. The more game you run in a relationship the more it shows the weakness in your character. If you want to be single then don’t be in a relationship. Don’t waste someone’s time because you don’t want nobody to play with your toys while you’re gone. That persons true partner could be out there and they might not meet because you want to play little silly behind games. STOP IT. Your grown act like it

5. NOT PLAYING FAIR: Look cheating happens and while it’s a selfish act to put someone thru there are rules to the game. Mainly you don’t give the #2 number 1 privileges. Do your dirt and GO HOME. Don’t spend all night over there..what you doing’? having a conversation..getting to know the person your cheating with? Watching TV? Don’t play in grown folks playground area if you gonna be a child. It already shows your untrustworthy anyhow so why add on to it? Its not cute and nobody respects a cheater in the long run. If you gonna do something dumb then don’t do nothing STUPID. Be real..your 35 years old in have been in 12 failed relationships.

So ladies and gents that’s the lesson for the day. Be real ..be true .. and most importantly..be yourself. Just not all at once.


Preachin’ Lamar